The Kominsky Method: old people have sex too

Article - Matei N. Balan

The Kominsky Method, a show about old Hollywood men in their twilight years has been praised for its portrayal of old age. Health and sexuality are a central part of this portrayal and the show has done a good job of covering these issues. Spoilers ahead.

Michael Douglas as Sandy Kominsky in The Kominsky Method. Copyright:
Warner Bros. Television & Netflix / Photo: IMDb

The third season of The Kominsky Method starts with the funeral of one of its most beloved characters, Norman Newlander (Alan Arkin), whom the writers have killed off-screen. So, in the first episode of the latest season, we are presented with Norman’s close friends and family saying their goodbyes to him. But since this is The Kominsky Method, all the sorrows of life come with a chaser of humor. 

In this particular instance, grief is broken by a very intense monologue from Norman’s girlfriend, Madelyn (Jane Seymour), who recollects their usual sexual encounter in graphic detail.

“With a little encouragement from me, and a little pharmaceutical assistance, Norman turned into the voracious stud that ravaged me”, Madelyn recalls passionately while Norman’s friends and family cringe at how unappropriate such a speech is for a funeral. However, this is exactly why The Kominsky Method has proved itself to be such a great show. 

Beyond the top-notch  humor, the show gives us a look at the lives of those who haven’t quite made the cut in the current run for good representation: old people. Some of their issues, from prostate cancer, urination challenges, and erectile dysfunction, are thoroughly covered. Furthermore, the show has served as an ice breaker for those who deal with these issues but have a hard time talking about it, as this Greater Boston Urology blog post has explained. 

But then there’s another message that The Kominsky Method has done a good job of communicating to its audience. Old people have sex too, and their sexuality is not to be mocked, not even when it is the subject of a TV show gag.

Sandy Kominsky, the show’s protagonist, has an issue accepting that he’s not ‘the man he used to be’ from season one. This includes the fact that he overestimates his physical capabilities or his sexual drive. In the third season this is touched upon when he manages to go to bed with a woman far younger than him, whom he lies to about his age. The lie is then exposed when his erectile dysfunction and his back problems have their say in the matter. On an opposite note, Norman, Sandy’s best friend, loses his lifetime partner whose passing he has an understandably hard time getting over, if that is even an option. However, he is able to rebuild his life with Madelyn, an old-time friend, with whom he discovers that he still has a sex drive.

Many of these scenes don’t lack the clumsiness one would imagine is involved in trying to deal with your sexuality during old age. But the humor comes exactly from this feeling that the characters are clumsy at what they’re doing because they’re human beings facing difficult life challenges. Whereas countless past Hollywood productions have portrayed elders as buffoons whose sexuality is funny because it is gross and inconceivable in the mind of the audience (see Dirty Grandpa, 2016), The Kominsky Method comes with a portrayal of old age where sexuality may be a taboo subject, but can not be glossed over as unimaginable or disregarded as gross. Furthermore, it gives its viewers a glimpse of the issues we are all eventually going to encounter. There’s no point in making funny faces while talking about them. 

But while the show has been praised for its portrayal of elder characters and old age, along with the beloved Grace and Frankie (2015),  who follows the story of two women in their seventies, the fact that it is about men who are also white and well off financially makes it stand out as a narrow representation of old age as well. The experiences of the characters of The Kominsky Method are far from representative of elders in general.  

Everyone might deal with prostate cancer in their seventies, but not everyone might afford the necessary health care to treat it. Of course, one TV show couldn’t possibly cover all the experiences of all old people with different financial, racial, gender, and sexual background. But one must keep in mind nevertheless that the narrowness of this type of representation leaves out the experiences of others.