You are only as old as you feel… The list of sayings concerning age is long and cheesy. But why do we concern ourselves so much with our age at all? And why is it so often commented on by others?

Collage with Photos from instagram @jennifercoolidge, Ksenia Emelianchik, Diana Polekhina and Victoria Krivchenkova / Unsplash

How dirty is the thirty?
With my 30th birthday coming up this year, I must admit that I’ve thought about age more often than in the last few years when it was just “a random birthday”. Not just because I have a party to plan (whoop!), but also because it’s the first time I’ve reflected consciously on what age means to me. I’d argue it’s not only what society claims is expected from our generation and people my age, but also my younger self’s expectation of what being thirty would be like.

“I had such big dreams and expectations as a younger person, but what happened is they get sort of fizzled by life. I thought I was going to be queen of Monaco even though someone else did it, and then you get older and think “oh, what the fuck is going to happen?” - Jennifer Coolidge

That’s what Jennifer Coolidge said in her chaotic, but iconic speech at the Golden Globes this year for winning the award for best supporting actress. Although it wasn’t exactly my dream to become the queen of Monaco, I’d agree with Jennifer; that my younger self would have guessed me in a different situation than being an international student in my late twenties, with little to no clue where she is gonna end up after this semester abroad.

Jennifer Coolidge's career, which has taken off seriously since her role in The White Lotus, shows how rarely women beyond their twenties are represented in Hollywood and in media in general. And perhaps that is one of the reason why (especially) for women, age is a topic of discussion. Social participation, if you look at women in media, unfortunately does have to do with age and beauty. So it's no wonder that the older you get, the pressure of achieving your goals and reaching certain milestones rises. Because the odds of having a late career, like Jennifer, are against us. By career, I don't just mean a professional career, but also what each of us strives for personally. Preserving youth means social participation and freedom of choice about what to do with our lives.

The struggle is real
I recently had a discussion with my boyfriend about beauty standards for women and men, and how they affect mental health. So I started to realize just how omnipresent this topic is for me and people my age. I am very aware of the fact that watching a thousand TikToks a day that tell me how to do the perfect sleek bun or how to get the perfect workout routine won’t help. But even if I am aware, the struggle between knowing that today’s beauty standards are the result of century long male oppression and actually escaping them is real. There are endless of topics we could add talking about mental health and the struggle in daily life as a young adult. Different expectations from working life, discovering sexuality, deciding on whether or not having a family, where to live… just to name a few.

Happily ever after?
Coming back to how I personally perceive age; of course I sometimes feel old when I hang out with other students who are in their bachelors. On the other hand I feel young when I see my parents using social media. But then again… I never really felt like a grown-up. I also never thought of Jennifer Coolidge as too old for being the legend she is or not having the permission of conquering Hollywood. Why are we always much more critical when it comes to ourselves? Even though the media teaches us something differently, we should try to embrace each other and ourselves and stop comparing what is not possible to compare.

I am happy that nowadays it’s okay to question the concept of marriage or parenthood and that being 29 doesn’t mean I am lost if I didn’t achieve at least one of the above. I enjoy the perks of being independent, having a choice and not knowing what the future holds for me. Of course on condition of my privileges.

With that being said, I'm sorry I can't take the pressure of society off of you, nor the weight of the future. All I can leave you with, is the comforting thought that we’re all in this together. Shout out to all my fellow High school musical millennials! And that we have the power to shape how upcoming generations will perceive age. For me this means being more like Jennifer Coolidge (and spend less time on TikTok). And above all… trying to be myself and be happy!

They say age is just a number